Girl, Forsaken Read online

  “No, I need to be alone right now. I’m sorry if I’m being abrupt, I just need to be done here and think over some of the shit we talked about tonight.”

  “I don’t care if you want to be alone right now. I’m not sure that would be a good idea, all things considered. I just want to know what the hell changed in the last thirty minutes.” His face is flushed with growing anger, making his veins stand out against his skin, pulsing, throbbing, calling to me like a siren to a thirsty sailor. I’m parched.

  Not sure how else I can get him out of here before I do something I can never take back, I shove him toward the door. “Jackson, come on . . .” I rack my brain for an argument that won’t sound insane or petty but come up blank. Jackson literally digs in his heels, using his bigger body and weight against me. I could probably overpower him, but I’d rather not toss him around like a ragdoll. “What does it matter if I’m meeting someone or just want to finish this alone? Take your freedom and run while you have the chance.”

  “What the hell does that mean? What are you going to do if I don’t leave?”

  Besides lunge for your jugular? Oh, I don’t know, run some tests? Give myself a manicure? The usual. I almost giggle at the absurdity of this argument. “Don’t be stubborn. I don’t have any more vampire answers for you, and I have a lot of work to do that I’ve got to do by myself. Honestly, I just need to clear my head.”

  I grab his wrist and tug him toward the door. Once he’s through it, it doesn’t matter where he goes or who he ends up with, so long as I can get him out and get the door locked behind him before I lose control.

  He hangs back, and I tug on his sleeve to move him faster. “C’mon, blockhead, move those feet. If you hurry, you can probably find a piece of tail before last call.” The barb is meant to sting and it works. He grabs the door like he’s going to slam it behind him but shoves it closed with him inside.

  “Just tell me what’s going on, and I can help you. I can tell this isn’t about a guy.”

  But it is about a guy, the only guy I can call a real friend. I pull the door open and strive to shove him out at the same time, but I get caught on his ankle and he grabs my shoulder, putting his wrist within biting range.

  Without thinking, my fangs descend, barely scraping against the thin, soft skin of his wrist. I yank my mouth away from him just as he throws me backward, my ass sliding across the tiled floor. I cover my mouth with my hand. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. It was just instinct. I wasn’t going to bite you, I swear it.”

  His features are tight with fear and anger and something else I can’t define. “You wanted me to get out before you couldn’t help but eat me?”

  “Stop making this a big deal. I could’ve bitten you a dozen times tonight. Or did you forget the hour we spent rechecking my labels together with our heads only inches apart?” My heart pounds in my throat, my fangs hidden away where they belong. “I am sorry you saw my fangs, but it’s involuntary. I didn’t make it happen, they just pop out sometimes. I’m trying to learn to control it, but I’m not always successful. I’m still new at this shit.” My apology sounds lame, even to me, but it’s the truth, and I don’t have anything better to give him.

  I stand up, wincing, and take a few steps toward him, palms up in surrender. He jumps back like I’m on fire, and guilt pulses through me. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. My stomach aches as much from the rebuke as from hunger, but I drop my hands and back away from the door, putting space between us. “I’m sorry I startled you. I hope you know I could never take a bite out of my best friend.”

  He nods and slings his messenger bag over his shoulder. “Of course you couldn’t.” But he doesn’t hug me goodbye or argue about staying longer. I know this isn’t something either of us can fix with a smart-ass comment. Part of me wants to follow him out and make sure he gets home safe, but the gnawing hunger prods me to search the lab for any viable blood that won’t be missed.

  The only blood I find is full of the virus or other viruses being researched. Thankfully, I’m not that desperate. Jackson’s gone, the hunger eats away at my ability to think clearly, and the lab offers as much comfort as it usually does. It might as well be a tomb, it’s so claustrophobic.

  I slide my paperwork into my backpack and leave the oppressive enclosed space behind. The campus is quiet, thank God, and I hurry to my car before I accidentally run into another human being and can’t hold myself back. I’ve been so careful with my time around humans and making sure I have something to feed on to tide me over. I don’t know what to do to get what I need when I don’t have my backups on hand.

  Music blasts from the dorm nearest the car and I curse all idiots who think the week before midterms is the right time for a party. “Great, I can see the headline now. ‘Vampire Attack at Frat Party. Student, Sasha Keleterina, drains the entire population of Harper Hall. Could your campus be next?’”

  I refrain from changing my direction to the raucous dorm and throw my bag into the passenger seat of my car, climbing in. The roads are clear in the middle of the night, and my gas pedal sinks to the floor as I cruise down the freeway faster than I’ve ever dared to drive before. The exhilaration pushes my thirst to the background for a time. Tears fall as I replay what happened with Jackson in the lab. I scream at the top of my lungs, letting all of my frustrations float away with the wind whipping past me. I don’t know if it is my new cat-like, or rather, vampire-like reflexes that keep all four wheels on the road while I get closer to the compound or just sheer dumb luck, but I park down the block, keeping my options for an escape from the locked gates open.

  My control slips, tearing at my insides like feral wolves’ claws, grappling for purchase to get loose. I stumble, using the car for balance while I wait for the top to finish locking into place.

  The hunger has never been this overwhelming, coloring everything with a red tinge I’ve seen only in cheesy horror movies. I know if I had a mirror, I’d look like a monster, my eyes desperate, fangs descended, skin so pale it almost glows in the moonlight.

  I push off from the car, almost face-planting as I make my way toward the front doors of the Baetal compound. I feel like I’ve been drugged. I’m clumsy, my limbs are heavy, and my brain is foggy. I slump against the nearest building and fight the urge to circle around and hunt for prey in the darkness.

  My survival instincts kick in, refusing to let me languish away, unfed. The only thought in my head is to fight. Fight against the hunger. The compulsion to feed cements my feet in place. There’s a metallic scent on the air, subtle enough that I could have ignored it if I hadn’t been so stubborn and refused to feed for so long. A voice inside my head tells me I can’t be trusted outside the compound walls, but the beast inside me argues back, urging me to give in.

  I press the heels of my palms to my eyes, a distressed whimper escaping my lips as I fight to hold onto my humanity. I press my back to the brick wall of the warehouse next to the compound, the rough stone scraping my skin as I slide down, tucking my head into my knees, struggling to calm my racing thoughts.

  If I can just cage the devil on my shoulder for a little longer . . . I will not become the monster of fairy tales.

  Chapter 5

  “Sasha.” Arsen’s voice near my ear startles me awake. “Sasha, you’re fading. Come here.” Strong arms take me and I’m lifted into them, his heartbeat strong in my ear.

  “Arsen?” I blink fast to clear my hazy vision. “Did I drive to the wrong compound?” He chuckles softly at my confusion, and I remember he’s the bad guy and I hate him for lying to me. I struggle to get away from him, but he holds me tight.

  “Hold on, you need to feed. It’s more important than anything that’s happened between us. Let me help you.” His face is buried in my hair. The scent of him drives me crazy, but I don’t know if it’s because I want to eat him or fuck him.

  I definitely do not want to fuck him, I remind myself sternly. “I don’t need your help. What are you even doing here?” I push at his ch
est, and he takes me to the ground and holds me steady as he kneels. “Stop it.”

  “No.”

  “Just let me get inside, Arsen, let me get to my supply and I’ll be fine.”

  “You parked outside the compound. Even if I get them to open the gate for me, you could lose control and kill the first thrall you pass in the corridor.” He clamps my wrists in one hand and holds his arm up to my mouth. “Just drink. It’ll clear your head. I won’t let you go too far, I promise.” I shake my head over his outstretched wrist.

  “No. I’m in control now. I can hold off until I get inside. I won’t hurt anyone.” I don’t think I will anyways. I’m not sure of anything right now. I don’t even remember passing out on the sidewalk.

  “I’ve never broken a promise to you, Sasha, no matter what else I’ve said or done.”

  His skin smells of everything that is Arsen. The crisp smell of his woodsy cologne and raw, raunchy, sex. It’s the last that drives me to bite, to focus on the hunger, not our history or the way it feels to have him hold me again. Just raw primal need.

  My first bite is tentative, hesitant, but he releases my hands and cups the back of my head. I grip him in my hands, my hold unbreakable as hunger overrides my control. His blood is slick, coppery, and sweet on my tongue, the first gush hitting my system like a shot of whiskey.

  He tucks me into his chest so my back presses against him. His free arm wraps around my waist as I cling to his arm, drinking as deeply as I can, my breathing shallow between each pull of the life-giving substance. I feel his heart race, pounding a staccato rhythm against my ribs.

  “Hold on, baby. You’ve had enough.” I hear him, but the blood singing in my veins is more powerful than the draw of his hypnotic voice. “Sasha, you’ve got to stop. Now.” He twists his arm and grabs a handful of my hair, pulling my head back to his shoulder and away from the bite marks on his wrist.

  Our eyes meet and his lips find mine and I don’t protest, letting him taste his blood in my mouth as he lifts me to my feet in one long, smooth motion. I twist, pressing my front to his without breaking the kiss. His hands slide down my body as he backs me up, one step at a time, until I feel cold, rough concrete at my back.

  “Tell me you don’t miss this, Sasha.”

  I growl at him, but he just snarls back at me, kissing me again, his fangs scraping against my own. He breaks our kiss, dragging the sharp points against my throat, sending shivers down my spine. He licks down to my collar bone, peppering teasing nips as he goes.

  “I’m still pissed at you,” I pant, but my body betrays me, my pussy soaked in seconds from the contact. He drags his mouth across the tops of my breasts, groaning in pleasure.

  I feel more alive than I’ve felt in weeks, like I touched an electrical outlet and my entire body pulses with energy. I have a perfect release for the rush of need and desire that have taken hold of me. Sex. His fingers slip under my shirt, cupping my swollen and heavy flesh in one hand, rolling my nipple with his fingers as he captures my moans in his mouth.

  I shouldn’t be doing this. He betrayed me. I’m furious with him for everything. But I can’t help myself. I can’t help but be selfish and take a little bit of pleasure from him for myself. I can use him like he used me, and then walk away.

  “God, I’m glad you’re wearing a skirt.” He pants when he finally breaks our kiss, his fingers brushing up past the hemline of my skirt and over my hips before he tears my underwear off. It’s black and lacy and for a moment I’m disappointed that he didn’t get to see the way it frames my ass before he destroyed them, but the head of his cock presses against my folds and nothing else matters.

  “Don’t tease me, Arsen, not now.” I hook my knee behind his thigh, tilting my hips up, readying for his entry. He ignores me, picking me up instead, before sliding inside me in one rough thrust. “Fuck me.” I sigh and lock my ankles behind his ass, leveraging for the exact angle I want.

  I brace one hand against the wall, the other wrapped around the back of his neck as he slams into me, his rhythm unsteady.

  “Jesus, Sasha. Nothing feels like your pussy wrapped around me. You were made for me, baby.”

  He glides over the sweet spot deep inside me, his intense gaze locked with mine as I bite my lip, fighting to stay quiet while he lights up every nerve ending like a fucking match to gasoline. I grip his shoulders, needing something to hold on to as I bounce on his cock, my fingernails digging into him. I rock my hips, rubbing my clit against him with every thrust he makes. My pussy clenches tight around his hard length as my orgasm slams through me without warning.

  “Arsen. So fucking good.” I muffle my cries in his neck, almost sobbing from the intensity.

  “That’s right, baby,” he mumbles in my hair, thrusting faster and harder. “Fuck, I love being inside you.” His words become unintelligible growls, and he loses his tempo before he lets out a roar, his head thrown back, his cock throbbing as he fills me with his hot release.

  He leans against me, his breath hot against my chest where his head rests on my shoulder. The after-sex glow slowly fades until the chill of night air hits my bare legs. Regret is a bitter taste on my tongue as I unhook my ankles, leaning back as far as I can to put space between us. He sets me down gently, his gaze guarded as he assesses my response to what just happened.

  I look away, unable to meet his hopeful stare. I push my top down, unrolling my skirt from where it rode up to my waist and twist it until the zipper is centered. My clothes are a wrinkled mess, my panties have disappeared somewhere in the dark alley, and now that Arsen’s blood swims in my veins, my mind is completely clear.

  What in the ever-loving-fuck did I just do?

  “Why were you waiting for me? Hoping to convince me to help you?” I choke out the accusation, still fumbling to get my hair back in the ponytail I’d been wearing to work in the lab.

  “No, I just wanted to talk to you. I miss you, badly.” He gestures to the parked car a few feet away. “You’re lucky I found you when I did. Why didn’t you just drive all the way through the gate?”

  “I was not in my right mind, and you know it. What kind of asshole takes advantage like that?” I still feel his skin against mine, and my pussy aches for round two. It takes two to tango, and the blame isn’t all his. I’m a grown-ass woman and I could have stopped what we were doing. Instead, I chose to be selfish and take my pleasure from him. I frown at my own thoughts, praying he can’t tell how badly I want to get him naked and fuck him properly.

  He scoffs, zipping up his slacks. “The only thing I did was give you exactly what we both needed.”

  “Isn’t that the same excuse you used when you cheated in the Provokar? You could’ve killed me and Nikolai both, but somehow, it was what I needed? For you to betray me?”

  “It was for the best, and if you’d have stayed with me, instead of running off to him, tonight wouldn’t have been necessary.”

  Necessary. Like this was all my fault. My hands clench into fists as he takes a few steps closer to me. “Oh no. Don’t even try to come at me with that bullshit. I didn’t run to anyone, and I don’t belong to anyone but myself. You smug bastard.” I laugh mirthlessly, shaking my head at his pigheadedness. “You really still believe you were doing what’s right for me?”

  “No.” His quiet answer surprises me into silence for a few seconds. “Nothing that makes you leave me and run into a Baetal compound can be the right choice, no matter my intentions.”

  “You’re damned right about that.” I glance toward the gates that I’ve been living behind. “You used me, Arsen. You pretended that I was better off with you but you used me to strengthen your position in a war that I’ve got nothing to do with.”

  He’s so close I can smell the soft musk of his skin under the sex and blood and the cologne he wears, and I flinch away.

  “I did what I had to do to protect my people. I won’t apologize for that.”

  “I’m not a game piece to be moved about on your chessboard.” I c
hoke out the words with a cry.

  “Please.” Nikolai laughs, his sudden presence startling us both. We jump away from each other and spin to face him. “You won’t apologize for anything, ever. Not truly, Arsen.” He leans against the hood of the car so I’m the only thing separating them. It’s a snapshot of my life as a vampire. Me, stuck between the two of them, tying them together even as they try to tear me in two. “Classic Draugur move. Waiting until she’s too weak with hunger to refuse you.”

  Arsen growls at Nikolai, his lip curled in a snarl. “How does it feel to know that even weak with hunger, she couldn’t force herself to go back to you?”

  “Oh, shut the fuck up. Both of you,” I interject. “I don’t know what you’re smoking, Nikolai. You’re too late to be my knight in shining black leather, arriving to save me. The dragons already gobbled me up whole.” I take a step away from him, which unfortunately puts me closer to Arsen. He smiles at me. “And don’t look at me like I’m on your side because I’d rather light myself on fire at this point. None of us would be standing here if you hadn’t tried to cheat your way into a political coup.”

  “Looks to me like you did it again. How do we know you didn’t prevent Sasha from entering the compound where she’d be safe?” Nikolai reaches out for me, and I look at his hand like it’s a snake. “Let’s go, Sasha. There’s nothing more for you out here.”

  “Sure, Dad, I’ll be right in,” I scoff at him, refusing his outstretched hand. “Better idea. Why don’t you just leave the porch light on and wait inside?” His jaw ticks at my retort.

  “You should’ve come to me. I’m your maker. I take care of you. I’ve been nothing but patient with you.”

  “No, I take care of me. I choose when to feed, how I do it, and who to associate with.” I laugh, even though nothing that’s happening is funny. “The only claim you have to me, is that you tried to kill me before Arsen did.”